Only one

The sting of IF is back and it still hurts. On Sunday we went to my aunt and uncle's 50th anniversary party. It was really great and I was excited to see relatives I haven't seen in years or had never seen (some second cousins). I knew C would have fun and be a little ham. I was right.

Then I overheard this comment more than once, this is our only grandchild. Coming from my parents who know everything that has happened it stings more. Maybe it was just a flip comment since there was a set of twins there, but it hurt. More than I let on.

So the IF scars have scabbed over but the wound still becomes fresh and picked at when you least expect it.

It has been awhile

I am here for two reasons: First today is Autumn's second birthday. I miss her like crazy and can't believe that the time is here again. Happy birthday to our sweet angel girl Autumn. I always know when my angelversaries are coming up as I get depressed, cranky, grump and subdued.

Second is I was reading the archives and was shocked that I am still battling the same questions as I have been for over a year. Things have not gotten better and my life is still full of regret. The time has come to get serious, make a decision and stick with it. No more whining, complaining or waffling.

I think the time has come for me to have a more anonymous blog. There are lots of things I would love to talk about and get out there, but I don't want to offend anyone I know in real life that I consider a friend. I have a few ideas but not for sure what to do yet.

I will never take this down as I was overcome with emotion in re-reading the archives today. I think maybe it is just time to move on. I don't really even think anyone reads this one anymore.