Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Tough times

Today is a tough day. It seems like it just comes in waves, but today is the bottom of the pit. At least that is my hope. I hope that no more bad news comes our way.

I don't really want to talk about it yet, but if you have any good thoughts or prayers to send our way it would be appreciated. Our family is hurting.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Getting older and more broken down

As the year ended, we were informed our insurance would be switching. So I decided to get some baseline bloodwork done before the small copay was replaced by our gargantution dedictible H*S*A crappy insurance. Well turns out I missed the deadline, but I digress. I got my glucose (A1C), AMH(ovarian quality/quantity), thyroid and prolactin checked. This was in preparation for trying again when we were ready. I knew that nothing woudl be covered, so I wanted to get it in under the old coverage.

The results:
A1C - 6.1 less than 7 normal
Prolactin - 7 less than 30 normal
AMH - 1.7 Normal 1.4-3.5
Thyroid - oops not enough blood

So the AMH has me worried. It is on the low end of normal. With PCOS I should be on the high end around 3. So the old eggs are looking not so fresh. Not a good sign.

The A1C is high for the Dr office so an increased dose of Metformin is in the future for that.

The thyroid I have had checked twice. THe last one was Monday and it is continuing to increase. 3.3 to 3.9 so I am now starting meds for that.

At first I was very depressed. More and more bad results piling on and me screaming into AMA (Advanced Maternal Age) is sad. But I looked at the bright side of things finally. This is very common after having your first child. It is another auto immune disease so it is just par for the course. It explains me being cold all of the sudden all of the time and me being exhausted no matter how much sleep I got. So getting an answer is a good thing.

But what does it mean for trying again? More pills, less time to try and more money thanks to crappy insurance. It means three biological kids is probably out of the question.

So that is the story for now. We shall see where this all goes.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Worth it?

This has been going around the blogosphere this past week and I normally read these things and move on, but I just can’t do it this time. I feel the need to weigh in.

It is no secret that I wanted to be a mother bad, so bad we were willing to do just about anything to get there. We put off fancy vacations, big purchases and a bigger house to make sure we could afford having a baby. We knew that no matter how we built our family, we wanted to have a child in our lives. We had explored adoption and were pretty serious about going down that road before the RE consult. We knew however we built our family, it was going to cost us. The truth is at the time we had no idea how much that would be.

The treatments and the losses were paid with an emotional toll like I never expected. They changed me as a person and they changed Rich & I as a couple. But they changed us both in a good way. I am a stronger person then I ever imagined. I had no idea of what I was and am capable of. Rich & I have a stronger marriage having already been through hell and made it back.

Parenting has been a struggle and a toll as well as a blessing and reward. C is the light of our life and a joy to have with us. I wouldn’t change anything about him or the struggles we had to get him here.

Yes, if I didn’t have to go down the IF road and could just look at Rich and say let’s make a baby this month and do it, I would. But I can now say I am respectful of the IF experience. It has made me a stronger person, given me life long friends who understand the struggle, given me a strong partner to go through life with and given me my precious son C.

So would I use a wish to go through it all again, absolutely. Was it worth it? To me, it most definitely was. At the time I went through it, it didn’t seem like it was, but now I can look back and say yes. And I will do it again. Maybe the path is different the second time around, as I am older and wiser as is my body and eggs, but the end result is worth the struggle. Be it IUI, IVF, adoption or just having C, the path is laid and we will follow it until our happy ending. I will be satisfied with the ending and know that the trip was worth it for the destination at the end.