It's over

The holiday that is. I am so grateful that it is done. I was reading all of these blogs about how great their holidays were and how wonderful it was to see family. Hahaha!! I am going to tell the truth. My holidays blew!!! It was horrible, stressful and no fun. C was cutting his two front teeth so he was cranky and not wanting to be anywhere but home. It is hard to take a baby who is wanting to crawl everywhere and get into everything to people's houses that are not baby proofed. Plus having to drag the packnplay everywhere and all the other baby stuff was crazy.

Christmas eve was the best of the days. C was good slept in the pnp in the basement but he was away from all the noise and commotion so he did well. He looked so cute and peaceful sleeping.

Christmas day I thought it would be a good idea to have all the grandparents over for an open house to see C. We don't have to get dressed, leave or do anything that day. Well wouldn't you know they all showed up at the same time in our tiny house? It seemed like a good idea at the time but it was not. We will not be doing that next year.

The Saturday after Christmas was a nightmare. C slept maybe 45 min the whole day. It was too loud and too crazy for him. There was no place to crawl around at one house and then with his baby cousin there it was even worse. They commandeered the crib, high chair and other baby items. Pissed me off at the end. There are other babies here now!!!

Every year we play games at Rich's dad's house. Every year it is a nightmare. I will never play again. Too many sore losers and rule sticklers. Everyone gets a gift so who gives a fuck? We left while they were still playing. I had had enough and put my foot down.

C got in the car after we finally left and he started chatting and talking in such a cute and clam way. No more crying and fighting us. I think he knew what was going on and knew it was not the place for us.

We both got a bunch of crap we don't want or need. Next year I am telling them no gifts. Donate to a charity in my name if you must do something. We got more freaking movie GC. We have some from two years ago still. I finally gave some of them away so someone will use them. We do not see movies. Even before we had C, we didn't really go much because Rich is not a movie person. Never has been, never will be.

Some snide comments were made about daycare centers. I let that one go for the most part. At least my kid isn't watch TV every morning and exposed to chicken pox before he can get the vaccine. Yes my BIL got a call that a kid that their sitter watches has the chicken pox. Crazy!!

C wasn't allowed to play with his cousin much. Evidently we have too many germs or aren't good enough for them. Whatever!!

The thing that made me most mad is the comments made because C sleeps thru the night. I am well aware of the fact we are extremely lucky. C goes down around 6:30-7:00 every night and wakes up around 6:30 am. He hasn't been up at night since he got sick in July. I tell everyone I know we are very lucky that he is like this. I can't help that your child still gets up in the night. Maybe he takes after his mom because she can't sit still. She always has to be doing something. C takes after me. I love to sleep and so does he and he is cranky without enough. So stop making comments about C going right back to sleep at home and not waking us up. Stop feeding your kid junk and snacks 24/7 that are for toddlers. He is a baby, maybe treat him like one? She is the one that kept pushing him to grow up so fast. There you go.

Next year we need to have better communication between Rich and I. He was less than helpful with C and I was left to do more than my fair share. Of course he needs to eat, but when brunch sucked and there was not much I liked I am going to need to eat soon too. We have already talked about this so he knows the deal.

Also next year we have decided we are starting a new tradition. We are going away between Christmas and New Years. We are going someplace with a cabin, snow and have fun with the three of us. No shuffling around between houses and we can do our holiday get togethers before Christmas or after new years and spread them out. Rich & I neither one enjoy this time of year and it is time to change it. Start our own new, fun traditions.

So anyway, I truly hope that all of you had a wonderful holiday and a fantastic new year. 2008 has been the best year ever for us!!!!!!

Better Days

Things are better right now. C is sleeping better at daycare the past couple days so he has been in a better mood at night. He has 4 teeth working on coming thru and just last night started doing the army crawl everywhere.

I went out with a wonderful friend last night for dinner and that improved my mood tremendously. I think maybe I needed some "me" time.

Working on the work situation. Have some ideas in mind and hoping one of them comes to head. I may have a better idea after tomorrow.

Christmas is just crap. So unsure what we are going to do. As of right now I don't want to do anything with any family.

I am super pissed at my parents for taking C to see Santa (for the first time)at a local farm/restaurant while they were there eating. I have to deal with that soon as at the time I was too shocked to say anything.

I am going to see the therapist tomorrow and will unload on her. I am so glad she convinced me to make appts every 3 weeks over the holidays. I thought I wouldn't need them, LOL!

Hard Times

This is a depressing post so skip it if you are in a good mood or don't want to listen to me complain.

I don't know if it is the weather, the holidays or what but I am seriously in a funk. I am so blah and unmotivated to do anything. Work is just going along, our project got defeated so I am back to bored. Our families are fighting with us and throwing guilt trips about the holidays. I am feeling very anti-social lately. I don't want to go to any of the holiday obligations and parties. I got a migraine again before my work holiday party. Being a working mother and motherhood in general sucks right now. I hope that things look up and change after the holidays are over.

The families fighting over time for the holidays has me really angry, stressed and sad. We had it all planned out and now we are expected to go to one more place. So we have solved the problem for the next year and beyond. We are leaving town on Christmas Day. We figure there won't be much traffic on the actual day in the afternoon/evening. We will find someplace to stay until the new year. We don't even care where, we just need to have a fun time for Christmas for once. This is a major problem with having all our family close and they don't want to spread it out. They all expect it to be within the few days we have off and it is too much, especially with a little one. C didn't nap at all on Thanksgiving because of all the noise and people at both houses we went to and we paid for it on Friday. They don't understand or care about this. They just want to see C. I understand that, but that is why we made our house open on Christmas Day so they can stop over whenever they would like. We can keep C's schedule and they can see him on Christmas Day. They still expect us to travel around even with our little baby.

This has made me blue, depressed and short tempered. Rich & I are arguing more and I am short on patience with C. He is paying for my bad moods in that I am disinterested in him. C is whiny and cranky all the time right now. He is frustrated because he can't get to stuff that he wants. He is starting to do a slow army crawl but he wants so much stuff and can't get to it or he isn't allowed to have it. He is also teething with 4 teeth visible which adds to the crank. I do not want to be with him or spend time with him right now. He is not napping at daycare, going to bed as soon as we get home and then gets mad because we have to wake him up to eat dinner. He is getting up really early and I am so not a morning person. It is so trying.

I feel like a horrible mother because I am just not wanting to be with C right now at all. I do not feel like doing things with him and everything seems to be a battle right now. Diaper changes, playing, going in the car, going to bed are all battles. Everyday all the time we are with him he is whining or crying. I hope this phase goes by soon.

Daycare is annoying the crap out of me. I am so aggravated with them and their "opinions" on what is best for C. They have cornered us a few times on things we are doing that they don't like. They are badgering us about feeding him more often. He is still a baby, not even 8 months old yet. We think they want to stuff him full so he will leave them alone. I think he wants more interaction time and they can't give it to him. Two new babies will be coming in before the end of the year because one boy is leaving for the next room and another is being forced out. I know that C will not be ready for the next room at 10 months. One of the boys is ready for sure, he is almost walking. The other is not doing that, is barely crawling and is very needy. I think we may look at our options after the first of the year. Start looking at other daycare centers or sitters.

Rich really wants me to stay home and we have talked about this possibility before. I just don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can tolerate the whining, crying and bad days all day. I don't know if it is a good thing for either of us for me to stay at home.

I have cut down on the caffeine for the migraines and I am exhausted all the time. I do not want to be social and I want to stay by myself in my cube and my house. I am not a fun person to be around right now so my apologies if you have to be around me. This is just me right now. I am no fun.

We have a tree

There is a Christmas tree up in my living room. It is not decorated yet, but it is up in my house. So what you may ask? Everyone has a tree up this time of year. Well it is a huge deal this year. We have not had a tree since 2005. We just never felt the desire or need to put one up. Why put it up when we won't be home and neither of us was very excited to celebrate another anniversary of a D&C or another year without a little one in the house.

Well since C is here this year we decided to put the big tree up. We did this on Sunday afternoon during C's big nap. After struggling with the tree and directions we finally got it all up and fluffed out. We turned the lights on, (side note- whoever thought to put the lights already on fake tress is a hero in my book) I turned to Rich with tears streaming down and said "We have a tree in our house". We have a tree in our house because I have a son sleeping in his room. There is an extra stocking to be hung, toys to put under the tree, Santa Claus pictures to have taken, Christmas cards to send out and joy to be had this year. There is a wonderful reason for the season this year. I am so thankful to have C here and in our lives.

We have a baby's first Christmas ornament that Rich picked out and put on a prominent branch in the front of the tree. We both teared up when he placed that one on the tree. Even though he has been here for almost 8 months it still seems unreal at times. I really hope to have a magical time this year and enjoy seeing it thru C's eyes.