Friday, October 23, 2009

Regrets and changes

I have many regrets in my life. I regret high school and that people I thought were my very good friends weren’t at all. I regret the time wasted on them. I regret going to college at home and not getting out there as I should have. I have a boring college experience with no friends from that time. I regret changing my degree to something I will never use. I have no clue still why I did that and what I was thinking. I regret I didn’t talk to Rich enough about joining the air force. I regret buying the house we have now as I absolutely hate it and we are stuck. I regret getting all of our animals as they are all PITAs right now. I regret we are still living in Ohio. I regret that I didn’t hold and snuggle C more when he was a baby as now it hardly ever happens. I regret that I never got to enjoy being pregnant as we were always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I regret that I had no support that understood where I was coming from and still don’t. I have a confession here, we never finished his room. There are still words to put on the wall and furniture and finishing touches that were never done. I regret that I am writing this from work right now.

These are just a few of the regrets I can think of right now. It seems like life is just full of regrets. I am tired of it being that way. I am tired of regrets. I need to change, make changes but I am so afraid. Changes that will drive me crazy, drive others crazy and more than likely drive some people away from me. There are hard choices to be made and they need to be made by me, for me. I need to put the past and the regrets away and move on. And for once I would like to feel and be truly happy.

5 comments:

Sarah D said...

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I honestly don't know what to say, but I do truly hope you find happiness :)

ohioana said...

I think part of being an adult is looking at our choices and wishing we could go back and change some of them. Everyone I know well, myself included, wishes they had done some things differently. The trick is to figure out how to go forward in a better direction. Let me know if you figure that out.

MrsSpock said...

One thing I learned this past summer when we didn't know if I had a terminal illness or not, was that I've taken the easy road or avoided doing a lot of things- things I would have greatly regretted if the eventual diagnosis had truly been terrible. I'm trying to figure out now what to do about that too.

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