Friday, September 26, 2008

Autumn's Day

Yesterday was harder than I thought it would be. I thought since C was here it would be easier. Well it wasn't. It was so hard. I was ok during the day at work, but that afternoon and night I was a mess. I took C on a walk in the neighborhood to calm him and I was just hoping I wouldn't see anyone I knew. I couldn't stop crying and thinking about our little girl. Autumn would have been one. I was thinking that she would have a big frilly party dress to twirl around in. I told C about her yesterday. First time I had really talked to him about all of the before him stuff.

It really was a double-edged sword for me yesterday though. I was grieving my little girl, but at the same time I knew that I wouldn't have C. I got pregnant with C when I should have still been pregnant with Autumn. It is so hard because I now know and understand what I missed with my other babies. But at the same time maybe C wouldn't be here either.


Julie and Greg said...

ok so now I have my good cry of the day! i hope these anniversaries get easier for us, but I don't want to ever forget either. I don't have any great words of advice, just know that you are not alone!

MrsSpock said...

Every child is unique. The loss of one is something that will likely never be forgotten. Hopefully, now that you know you need heparin, her loss will be the last.