I don't know if it is coincidence or that Cletus really can hear what is going on outside of his cozy womb, but it seems like every time I am somewhere that music is playing he starts kicking me like crazy. He has pretty good taste so far so that is good. Although that is probably due some to my influence to what I listen to. I bought a baby MP3 player for him/Rich for Christmas and I put it on my lap to play it & he started to kick me. Then the other day driving home from work the radio was playing Rolling Stones and then Nickelback. He was kicking along, but went crazy with Nickelback. That's my boy!!!
I hope everyone has a wonderful new year!! Rich is running a race tonight at 11:45pm. I will be cheering him on from the warmth of the house. I am so happy that 2008 will be the year we have our little one!!
Monday, December 31, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Happy Holidays
I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. I am back to work today. Boo!!! Rich is still off so I hope he is enjoying his time today.
We had a pretty good holiday. The telling that Cletus is a boy went fairly well. Although I mist say I was disappointed that Rich’s family didn’t figure it out. Maybe it is because we told them we weren’t sure if we were going to find out. But we had to explain to them why the bibs were blue. Everyone was very excited. I didn’t make my mom want until the end; I gave her that present first. She ripped into it like you wouldn’t believe. People talk about me ripping open presents, but she had nothing on me yesterday. I think my family was very excited Cletus is a boy. Although my mom had bought boy & girl outfits she did talk about how cute the girl one was & how she looked for shoes to match. My sister also wrote him a poem which was so neat and so emotional!!
Well we didn’t get exactly what we wanted. I had wanted just Bab.ies.r.us GC this year. I want to go purchase the new nursery furniture soon. We got a couple, which will help us out. We also got a ton of stuff for Cletus. I think that my mom will be going crazy with boy stuff now that she knows. Cletus is going to be styling for sure.
Rich got me that new back massa.ger that is supposed to be like a real therapist. I hope it helps out. I will probably be trying it out after work today. I am not used to be being stuck in a chair for 8 hrs; it has been 4.5 days since I have had to do that.
Doing both of Rich’s family in one day went pretty well. It was just a long day for me. I started having a breakdown around 9:30 that night. We had been gone since 11:00 am and I knew there would be a big mess to come home to because it was just too long for our dogs. I was so tired and ready to go home, but the games and prizes weren’t over yet.
My parents bought a pack.n.play for their house for Cletus. It is pink and gray. It doesn’t really mater since he won’t know what color it is; I just thought it was funny. My dad & Rich did a test run of it to make sure all the parts were there and went together correctly. It was hilarious. Both of them decided they didn’t need the instructions and would just go off the picture. I took lots of pics of the work in progress. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. At least Rich has experience now putting one together and I think he had fun putting it together too. It was sort of weird thinking that that is for our baby and we will have something to put in there in April.
Cletus is definitely moving and kicking more and more every day. He has really started moving his limbs across my belly, kind of like in a dragging motion. That feels so bizarre!! That movement freaks me out a little when he does it. I put the TV remote on my belly the other night and you can see it move when he kicks. Rich hasn’t been able to feel him much lately. It never fails that when Rich puts his hand on my belly, Cletus stops kicking. Even if he has been kicking in the same spot for a few minutes. He just doesn’t want Rich to feel him moving around.
Overall, the holidays this year went pretty well. I can’t wait until next year for Cletus’ first Christmas!!!
We had a pretty good holiday. The telling that Cletus is a boy went fairly well. Although I mist say I was disappointed that Rich’s family didn’t figure it out. Maybe it is because we told them we weren’t sure if we were going to find out. But we had to explain to them why the bibs were blue. Everyone was very excited. I didn’t make my mom want until the end; I gave her that present first. She ripped into it like you wouldn’t believe. People talk about me ripping open presents, but she had nothing on me yesterday. I think my family was very excited Cletus is a boy. Although my mom had bought boy & girl outfits she did talk about how cute the girl one was & how she looked for shoes to match. My sister also wrote him a poem which was so neat and so emotional!!
Well we didn’t get exactly what we wanted. I had wanted just Bab.ies.r.us GC this year. I want to go purchase the new nursery furniture soon. We got a couple, which will help us out. We also got a ton of stuff for Cletus. I think that my mom will be going crazy with boy stuff now that she knows. Cletus is going to be styling for sure.
Rich got me that new back massa.ger that is supposed to be like a real therapist. I hope it helps out. I will probably be trying it out after work today. I am not used to be being stuck in a chair for 8 hrs; it has been 4.5 days since I have had to do that.
Doing both of Rich’s family in one day went pretty well. It was just a long day for me. I started having a breakdown around 9:30 that night. We had been gone since 11:00 am and I knew there would be a big mess to come home to because it was just too long for our dogs. I was so tired and ready to go home, but the games and prizes weren’t over yet.
My parents bought a pack.n.play for their house for Cletus. It is pink and gray. It doesn’t really mater since he won’t know what color it is; I just thought it was funny. My dad & Rich did a test run of it to make sure all the parts were there and went together correctly. It was hilarious. Both of them decided they didn’t need the instructions and would just go off the picture. I took lots of pics of the work in progress. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. At least Rich has experience now putting one together and I think he had fun putting it together too. It was sort of weird thinking that that is for our baby and we will have something to put in there in April.
Cletus is definitely moving and kicking more and more every day. He has really started moving his limbs across my belly, kind of like in a dragging motion. That feels so bizarre!! That movement freaks me out a little when he does it. I put the TV remote on my belly the other night and you can see it move when he kicks. Rich hasn’t been able to feel him much lately. It never fails that when Rich puts his hand on my belly, Cletus stops kicking. Even if he has been kicking in the same spot for a few minutes. He just doesn’t want Rich to feel him moving around.
Overall, the holidays this year went pretty well. I can’t wait until next year for Cletus’ first Christmas!!!
Friday, December 21, 2007
Almost 2 years ago
It is so hard to believe it is this time of year again. Almost 2 years ago I had my first D&C and we lost BB. Then 1 yr ago we started on the cycle that we conceived Autumn. It hasn’t even been a year since I lost her. It is unreal that those angels moved into our lives and touched us like we could never imagine. I still think about them often, especially this time of year. Also whenever I see a child that age, it tears me up a little inside.
I am sure many people would think that I should be happy & let them go. I am 24 weeks pregnant with a viable, lively little boy who will be here in April. Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy to have him in my life and my belly. But the loss of our angels doesn’t go away. The pain may subside and I may not think of them as often, but they will never be far from my heart or memory.
I have read stories of women who still have pain and sadness 20-30 years after a miscarriage. It really never does go away. I plan to tell Cletus about BB & Autumn when he is older. I want to be honest with him and tell him about the other two and what happened with us. Why we are older then the rest of his classmates’ parents. (UGH!!!) I want to be more honest with him in every way then I feel my parents were with me. I just recently found out that my parents were on the way to an adoption seminar when they found out they were pregnant with me!!!
Unfortunately due to the double family Christmas tomorrow, we won’t make it to the angel statute. Hopefully we will soon after though.
I think that this time of year and remembering BB is why I have been a crab and so emotional this week. I also have to go to the hospital to get my Hep.arin today which is bothering me as well. Same hospital and entrance as both D&Cs. In the back of my mind and on my calendar the reminder of BB is there. Still raw & real, but a little less painful this year.
I am sure many people would think that I should be happy & let them go. I am 24 weeks pregnant with a viable, lively little boy who will be here in April. Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy to have him in my life and my belly. But the loss of our angels doesn’t go away. The pain may subside and I may not think of them as often, but they will never be far from my heart or memory.
I have read stories of women who still have pain and sadness 20-30 years after a miscarriage. It really never does go away. I plan to tell Cletus about BB & Autumn when he is older. I want to be honest with him and tell him about the other two and what happened with us. Why we are older then the rest of his classmates’ parents. (UGH!!!) I want to be more honest with him in every way then I feel my parents were with me. I just recently found out that my parents were on the way to an adoption seminar when they found out they were pregnant with me!!!
Unfortunately due to the double family Christmas tomorrow, we won’t make it to the angel statute. Hopefully we will soon after though.
I think that this time of year and remembering BB is why I have been a crab and so emotional this week. I also have to go to the hospital to get my Hep.arin today which is bothering me as well. Same hospital and entrance as both D&Cs. In the back of my mind and on my calendar the reminder of BB is there. Still raw & real, but a little less painful this year.
Monday, December 17, 2007
100th post!!! A Christmas Wish for the Impossible
Are the holidays over yet? This year I was actually happy and excited for Christmas time. I haven’t fought with anyone shopping & have been pretty cheerful when thinking about the holidays coming up. One reason is that this is the last year we have to travel on Christmas Day. Next year it will be staying home all day and having an open house for family. Whoever comes comes. It won’t hurt our feelings if you don’t. Chances are we will have seen them anyway on a different day. Next year will be shopping for the new little one & first Christmas stuff.
This year was looking to be a good one as well. Immediate families for Rich’s Mom & Dad separately on the 22nd, 24th extended dad’s family and 25th my family. Getting it mostly over early is great. Then we can relax on the mornings of the big days and get ready for all the family stuff.
Then yesterday happened. We got all the 22nd stuff worked out early and we were excited. Then the crap happened. Rich’s step-mom threw a fit because we were doing his mom’s before hers & we would get there late. We have to be at his dad’s between 3 & 5, but no later than 5:00. I guess they are going to lock the door then & not let us in. Anyway, I think it is funny that this time of year Rich’s family throws fits about seeing us. The other 10 months of the year they seem to care less. Now I am sure once the baby is born, they will be all over us, but for now there doesn’t seem to be any care or concern for us. They only call or e-mail about a favor needed or a family party coming up. I know they care, but we are the responsible ones, so they tend to leave us alone. This is how we like it. That’s why next year is going to be such a shock for me. All of the sudden getting phone calls constantly & visits are going to drive me bananas. So anyway, our Christmas plans went from happy & simple to sucky & complicated in a few hours.
But I cannot leave the other half of the complex out either. My family is not being very happy this year either. I called with a time to come over for Christmas to my mom and she asked me if she had a choice. She does, but I knew that everyone but her has to go to work the next day. I was trying to make it earlier so that we could spend quite a few hours there and not have to leave so soon. Anyway she is just mad because I am making her wait to find out what Cletus is. None of our family knows except for my sister and Rich’s brother & wife who are due in March. Since we are both having boys we needed to talk about names & stuff. I told my mom I was making her wait for the very last present which will be a blue grandma bib from Cletus. She keeps telling my sister it sucks & is crabby with me. I may just give it to her first and get it over with. She is going to be upset it is a boy anyway. She had already given Cletus a girl’s name a long time ago because she hated the name Cletus.
So tis the season for good tidings & cheer. This is how it is every year and next year will be a million times worse. I really wish it didn’t have to be this way. I remember Christmas being fun and happy times when I was younger. All my grandparents came over to our house at the same time & celebrated the family and the time of year. It is so sad that this is what it comes to for me: a time of year I wish would just hurry up and pass so that I don’t have to have the grinch on my back for another 11 months.
This year was looking to be a good one as well. Immediate families for Rich’s Mom & Dad separately on the 22nd, 24th extended dad’s family and 25th my family. Getting it mostly over early is great. Then we can relax on the mornings of the big days and get ready for all the family stuff.
Then yesterday happened. We got all the 22nd stuff worked out early and we were excited. Then the crap happened. Rich’s step-mom threw a fit because we were doing his mom’s before hers & we would get there late. We have to be at his dad’s between 3 & 5, but no later than 5:00. I guess they are going to lock the door then & not let us in. Anyway, I think it is funny that this time of year Rich’s family throws fits about seeing us. The other 10 months of the year they seem to care less. Now I am sure once the baby is born, they will be all over us, but for now there doesn’t seem to be any care or concern for us. They only call or e-mail about a favor needed or a family party coming up. I know they care, but we are the responsible ones, so they tend to leave us alone. This is how we like it. That’s why next year is going to be such a shock for me. All of the sudden getting phone calls constantly & visits are going to drive me bananas. So anyway, our Christmas plans went from happy & simple to sucky & complicated in a few hours.
But I cannot leave the other half of the complex out either. My family is not being very happy this year either. I called with a time to come over for Christmas to my mom and she asked me if she had a choice. She does, but I knew that everyone but her has to go to work the next day. I was trying to make it earlier so that we could spend quite a few hours there and not have to leave so soon. Anyway she is just mad because I am making her wait to find out what Cletus is. None of our family knows except for my sister and Rich’s brother & wife who are due in March. Since we are both having boys we needed to talk about names & stuff. I told my mom I was making her wait for the very last present which will be a blue grandma bib from Cletus. She keeps telling my sister it sucks & is crabby with me. I may just give it to her first and get it over with. She is going to be upset it is a boy anyway. She had already given Cletus a girl’s name a long time ago because she hated the name Cletus.
So tis the season for good tidings & cheer. This is how it is every year and next year will be a million times worse. I really wish it didn’t have to be this way. I remember Christmas being fun and happy times when I was younger. All my grandparents came over to our house at the same time & celebrated the family and the time of year. It is so sad that this is what it comes to for me: a time of year I wish would just hurry up and pass so that I don’t have to have the grinch on my back for another 11 months.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
It's a Boy
Hello, Rich here, it has been a while since I have posted. I know everyone already knows Cletus is a boy, but I haven't shared my point of view. The ultrasound was again really cool. We got to see Cletus again which is always fun and exciting. We were able to see internal organs like kidneys and we saw his spine, hands, fingers, fingernails (he has finger nails already! Hopefully he doesn't get my bad habit of tearing them off.). So anyway, we go through all the measurements, head size, femur bone, humerus bone, etc... and then finally she says do you want to know the gender (after it is already frozen on the screen so good thing we said yes to that). And the tech said, there's your answer. It was exciting to find out, but there was no celebration or relief on my part. I was truly indifferent with a girl or a boy, so there was the excitement of finding out, but no lift or let down because of the baby's gender. I guess it was a disappointment to Jennifer that I didn't show more excitement. As days go by, I think of more and more things that would be father-son activities and I get excited looking forward to those times. Much of my thoughts have reflected on special memories I have of my Dad when I was a kid and I can't wait to be on the other side of those same kinds of moments with Cletus. I also think of things like some of the scenes in Dan in Re.al Li.fe that make me relieved the baby is not a girl. I would be 100% lost trying to deal with that kind of emotion and crazy logic. Hopefully it was exaggerated for the sake of the movie.
In more exciting news than finding out the gender, I actually felt Cletus kicking last night. Jennifer had been telling me for the past couple of days she could feel him on the outside with her hand, but every time she told me about him kicking and I rushed over to try and feel it, he would stop. Last night though I just laid in bed, resting my hand in place, patiently waiting. That's when it happened. It was so cool, it made me feel a stronger connection to him. As if we had our first interaction or something. But every time something exciting happens like an ultrasound or feeling him kick, I get impatient and want him to come out into the world now. I'm normally a very patient person, but not with this.
In more exciting news than finding out the gender, I actually felt Cletus kicking last night. Jennifer had been telling me for the past couple of days she could feel him on the outside with her hand, but every time she told me about him kicking and I rushed over to try and feel it, he would stop. Last night though I just laid in bed, resting my hand in place, patiently waiting. That's when it happened. It was so cool, it made me feel a stronger connection to him. As if we had our first interaction or something. But every time something exciting happens like an ultrasound or feeling him kick, I get impatient and want him to come out into the world now. I'm normally a very patient person, but not with this.
Monday, December 10, 2007
A Celebration of humanity
I was off work today due to a horrible congestion cold. Only got 2 hours of sleep & couldn't breathe thru my nose. I decided to take a sick day. Rich was so sweet before he left for work. He got everything together that I would need for my day on the couch. He got snacks, kleenex, dishes, silverware and the TV remote ready for me together. He also got me a glass of juice to drink before he left. Rich took very good care of me this morning so I had to brag on him.
I have had my faith restored in good people this weekend. Amazing enough this holiday season hasn't been too bad for me. Usually I get aggravated with people and can't stand this season by the middle of December. It may have something to do with the fact I can't go that long right now so we just do a little at a time. We also haven't been to the mall either. That may help things.
Anyway, Rich and I were having a late lunch at a big chain Chinese restaurant on Saturday. I had gone to the bathroom and Rich went after I got back. A man came over to our table as I was waiting on Rich to return. He said that we looked like a nice couple and gave me 20.00 to use toward our meal. I tried to give it back saying we didn't need it. He refused to take it back and told me Merry Christmas. I was shocked as I had never had anything like that happen to me before. So we decided instead of using the money for lunch, we will donate it to the red buckets that are around this time of year. Of course we haven't seen any since then. It makes me feel a lot better about bringing Cletus into this world. There are still good people out there.
Cletus is moving around like crazy now. I feel him daily kicking and moving around. It is so unreal. I really hope Rich can feel it soon. Every time Rich puts hi shand on my belly, Cletus quits moving. As soon as he takes his hand away, Cletus starts up again. I felt it thru my stomach today, so we are hoping to catch it soon for daddy.
I have had my faith restored in good people this weekend. Amazing enough this holiday season hasn't been too bad for me. Usually I get aggravated with people and can't stand this season by the middle of December. It may have something to do with the fact I can't go that long right now so we just do a little at a time. We also haven't been to the mall either. That may help things.
Anyway, Rich and I were having a late lunch at a big chain Chinese restaurant on Saturday. I had gone to the bathroom and Rich went after I got back. A man came over to our table as I was waiting on Rich to return. He said that we looked like a nice couple and gave me 20.00 to use toward our meal. I tried to give it back saying we didn't need it. He refused to take it back and told me Merry Christmas. I was shocked as I had never had anything like that happen to me before. So we decided instead of using the money for lunch, we will donate it to the red buckets that are around this time of year. Of course we haven't seen any since then. It makes me feel a lot better about bringing Cletus into this world. There are still good people out there.
Cletus is moving around like crazy now. I feel him daily kicking and moving around. It is so unreal. I really hope Rich can feel it soon. Every time Rich puts hi shand on my belly, Cletus quits moving. As soon as he takes his hand away, Cletus starts up again. I felt it thru my stomach today, so we are hoping to catch it soon for daddy.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Fun Shopping for Cletus
Well, we went shopping the other day. Got a couple cute outfits and bibs that are blue or talk about boys. I got a cute sleeper that says world’s cutest baby boy, which I totally believe is the truth. We also got a couple pairs of shoes for Cletus. That is my weakness is baby/kids shoes. They are so cute. I am sure he will have no desire or reason to wear the shoes, but they are still adorable!!!
We are telling our families on Christmas. We are getting blue bibs that say I love Grandma and Grandpa for our parents. We are going to give them to them last so that it doesn’t take away from the other gifts or that people just start talking about that instead of all the other stuff there.
Cletus is weighing in a little big at 1lb 3ozs. I am getting very worried about Gestational Diabetes. I had a couple instances lately and one really bad one in Chicago where I got really hot, dizzy & almost fainted. I can trace all of them to too much sugar. I am predisposed to GD anyway, but it looks like it may come to be a reality sooner than I wanted. Oh well, what are 4 pricks of my finger added to the 2 shots a day? That is sarcastic. I was really hoping to avoid it, but I will do whatever I need to for Cletus.
The past 2 days I have started feeling him move, kick and wiggle like crazy!!! He is definitely an active baby. He has been super crazy today, so I am thinking he is going to be a snow lover like daddy. I am really hoping Rich can feel it soon. He was really kicking hard this morning, so I tried to feel it. As soon as I put my hand on my stomach, he quit. Took my hand away & he started up again. He is going to be a stubborn little booger it seems. Wonder where he got that from? Definitely not from mommy. :-) Otherwise we are still on Cloud 9 & so in love with our little guy already.
We are telling our families on Christmas. We are getting blue bibs that say I love Grandma and Grandpa for our parents. We are going to give them to them last so that it doesn’t take away from the other gifts or that people just start talking about that instead of all the other stuff there.
Cletus is weighing in a little big at 1lb 3ozs. I am getting very worried about Gestational Diabetes. I had a couple instances lately and one really bad one in Chicago where I got really hot, dizzy & almost fainted. I can trace all of them to too much sugar. I am predisposed to GD anyway, but it looks like it may come to be a reality sooner than I wanted. Oh well, what are 4 pricks of my finger added to the 2 shots a day? That is sarcastic. I was really hoping to avoid it, but I will do whatever I need to for Cletus.
The past 2 days I have started feeling him move, kick and wiggle like crazy!!! He is definitely an active baby. He has been super crazy today, so I am thinking he is going to be a snow lover like daddy. I am really hoping Rich can feel it soon. He was really kicking hard this morning, so I tried to feel it. As soon as I put my hand on my stomach, he quit. Took my hand away & he started up again. He is going to be a stubborn little booger it seems. Wonder where he got that from? Definitely not from mommy. :-) Otherwise we are still on Cloud 9 & so in love with our little guy already.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Trip Update
So the trip to Chicago was so fun. I recommend going there to anyone. Wish we had a little more time. We had a couple very nice dinners & walked around to see the sites. There are so many nice parks, museums & malls there. It statrted snowing Saturday afternoon. We went up to the top of John Hanock building at night. It was really cool to see the city all lit up. The ferris wheel at navy pier was really cool to see. At the Hancock building we got Cletus' first piggy bank.
So what everyone is probably inerested in is the u/s appt today. We did find out the gender of Cletus. Let's just say HE is not modest at all. There is no doubt he is all BOY!!!!!!! We are so thrilled. I got him his first pair of shoes today. Everything looks great and he is measuring right on. We are going to have our little hockey player. Mrs. Spock you are still right on which is a little bit freaky.
Went to visit a couple daycare centers today to which is another post in and of itself. Well I really wanted to update everyone on the gender of Cletus. Off to do some shopping.
So what everyone is probably inerested in is the u/s appt today. We did find out the gender of Cletus. Let's just say HE is not modest at all. There is no doubt he is all BOY!!!!!!! We are so thrilled. I got him his first pair of shoes today. Everything looks great and he is measuring right on. We are going to have our little hockey player. Mrs. Spock you are still right on which is a little bit freaky.
Went to visit a couple daycare centers today to which is another post in and of itself. Well I really wanted to update everyone on the gender of Cletus. Off to do some shopping.
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