The ugly side of infertility…..I’m not good, I’m broken, Everyone is having babies but me and I don’t like any of them…….oh the bad things that infertility can do to us.
It’s a frustrating disappointing and all around difficult journey, but just because friends or family may say insensitive things, or they might now have something you don’t (baby) and you are feeling like there is less and less you have in common, they are your friends and family and they want to be supportive. But, having never been in your shoes they are not going to be very good at it. The pain of their actions or comments might even be amplified by ignorance to your situation if you have kept your struggle and your feelings secret. But, they are still the same people you have always known, and you are still the same person to them. Though it might be difficult for you to hang out with them because they are pregnant or have a baby, it is difficult for them to see less and less of their family member or friend, especially if they don’t even understand why.
We have been very fortunate to have patient, understanding, and supportive friends, old and new, during our struggle and many of them read this blog. Thank you to all of you.
I saw an article that got me thinking about all of this and I’ll put the link at the end. Living with infertility is always hard and some times hurts those around us that are not dealing with it personally. There is a very ugly side to it that can make us feel broken, far away or incomplete. But in this article, I think the last paragraph sums it up well. What it says to me is that we all have a choice to make. On top of that, I feel the longer we stay on the path we chose, the easier it is to stay on that path and the harder it is to change. If we are on a good path, this is a good thing, but if we are on a bad path then it is not.
If you are reading this and think you are feeling down, pause, step back, and think about your family and friends. Are you still a friend, a brother, a sister, cousin, daughter, son, husband, wife, etc… or have you let the frustration and disappointment take those good, happy, and potentially supportive relationships away from you too? Infertility can be greedy if we don’t work to keep it from taking that which it doesn’t deserve.
You can find the article here: http://www.beliefnet.com/nllp/Inspiration.aspx?date=08-10-2007
1 comment:
Thank you for sharing that article.
I do believe it is hard to appreciate the good things you have in your life when you are struggling with so many traumatic things. It does help to stop and think sometimes about how my life has gone right, and recognize the bad things but not quite dwell on them. It is hard and I am a work in progress but I'm trying not to be so negative all the time. It just wears me down physically and emotionally.
I am really happy I started my blog and became part of a community and support group. It has really helped my mentality and helped me have a sanctuary to vent and get it all out rather than bottle it up. And it has put me in touch with people who "get it" so I won't be hurt by other people's comments. I know they mean well and I accept that but at the same time, it is nice to have people to related to in this journey. So I know my feelings are justified.
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