Friday, June 15, 2007

Background - Part 3

Now we are up to December 2006. The first injectable cycle. We had to go to the clinic on December 22, 2006. The clinic is in the same building as the hospital where I had my D&C. The same day one year later, I had to make the same drive again. That was hard because it was one year later & still no baby. It felt like time was standing still & no forward progress was being made. Tears were shed, but at the same time we were moving forward. We got our training on the injections. I decided I would try to do the shots myself, but Rich knew how in case I couldn’t do it. I did all the shots myself in my stomach. The first time was really hard. I kept trying & then chickened out at the last minute. Towards the end of that cycle, I could inject myself no problem. Everyone keeps telling me how strong & brave I am for doing them myself. I am a stubborn women, always have been. You tell me I can’t do something, you had better believe I will prove you wrong. I think it was the stubbornness more than anything that got me through it.

That cycle ended up that I would have to have my IUI on New Years Day 2007. Talk about a hassle. Nothing we have done on this journey has been easy, but we try to be easy going & friendly to all the staff & doctors we deal with. We also try to keep our sense of humor to help us keep on going. Dr. B was off, but the other doctor said he would come in for the IUI on that day. So Rich went & did his thing & we went to try & find breakfast. Not many places are open at that time on a holiday, but we found one. When we came back 2 hrs later, Dr. JA was all concerned there was no one there to collect the money from us. How nice since we are sitting right there & could hear him. You can figure out what JA stands for :-) Anyway, I was still nice to him & thanked him for coming in on his day off. Then he acted like it was no big deal. Unfortunately, January 1st is the day the decided to raise the prices of the IUI, so guess who got to pay more? Anyway, 2 weeks later a positive test was seen. We were ecstatic!!! It seems like every time we try something new or increase the meds, I get pregnant. We hoped & prayed this time would be different.

Blood tests looked really good this time. Started out higher & kept doubling as expected. I was sicker this time & had more prominent symptoms. Dr. B asked me if I was tired & I said Yes. He said good. He asked me if I was getting sick & I said Yes. He said great. First time anyone told me that it was great I was puking. First ultrasound at 6 weeks looked good. Implanted in the right place, only measuring 2 days behind. Heartbeat was still low. Never dreamed that would be a bad sign again. I got pictures of our little one this time. The most beautiful little blob ever!! I hugged Rich afterwards & told him we were going to have a baby. We were so positive & upbeat this time. We just knew this one would work. I had my 31st birthday after that. The best birthday for me in a while. I was pregnant & I even threw up at my birthday dinner!! And I got cake, I was craving that so bad. 2 weeks later on February 15th, we went back to Dr. B for another US. I had bought a valentine card for Rich from the baby & something told me to hold onto it until after the US. I think each time my instincts are right on.

Dr. B came in for the 8 wk US. Right away I knew what had happened. He kept saying oh no, that isn’t what I want to see & I am so sorry. The heart beat had stopped & no growth had taken place. Dr. B said he wanted to do some testing on me this time to see if something was causing these miscarriages. I was so thankful he suggested that & I agreed right away. Most doctors wait until after 3 or more losses to do any testing. I wanted some answers hopefully to why this kept happening to us.

Dr. B was off for president’s day weekend so I had to wait until Tuesday for my D&C. 4 days later. I am still not sure how we did it. We went to two b-day parties for me with Rich’s family that weekend. I never once showed anything. We even both talked about how it seemed easier this time since we knew what to expect. I think we were still both in shock & denial. The emotional storm was about to break & we were so unprepared.


MrsSpock said...

All that time, and none of us could tell what you were going through...that takes cojones, my dear...

MC said...

I am really choc of all your story!! You are so strong for everything you did and going thru.
My heart is all with you and wish you so much everything you want. And keep writing this blog if it's make you feel better, on my side I read and waited for the rest of the story even if I am way north.