I heart Dr. B

I promise we are almost out of background posts. This I think will be the last one. Don’t quote me on that though.

We went to see Dr. B for an update & to talk about the next step. I am going to say it again even though it is in the title, I heart Dr. B. Don’t want to say love as someone else may get jealous. He is the nicest & kindest Dr ever. He always takes his time & explains everything to us. He showed me all the blood results & said that the test were for Lupus. Ok, time for a freak out. He said that you have to have so many blood signs & so many physical signs. So I don’t have any physical symptoms so no lupus. He is very happy with the 30 lb weight loss I have done & cut one of my meds in half because I was starting to have blood sugar drops too much. I am hoping to be off of it in the next few months & just be down to the one diabetic drug. I told him that his suggestion or insistence on the low-carb diet & exercise finally did it. The loss of Autumn kicked my butt into gear to finally do something about all the extra weight I carry around. So I told him about the LEEP surgery. He was not very happy about it was my impression. He asked me if it was because of an abnormal pap. So I didn’t volunteer the 3 month wait Dr. T stated. Dr. B said as far as he was concerned whenever Dr. T said we could start, uhm . . . getting it on, we could start treatments again. Say what??? He said since it sounded like every thing was superficial & he would closely watch my cervix length we could go ahead. We were so excited to say the least. He went over the Heparin stuff & got the nurse to schedule the training for us the next week. He said I will have more blood work done the first 3 weeks as any problems with Heparin usually pop up in that time. I will also have Ultrasounds at 6,7,8,10 & 12 weeks. At that point I would go back to Dr. T.

Dr. B is recommending a new treatment plan for us; Femara & Repronex together. Last time I was on 12 days of Repronex. This time will be 5 days of Femara, then 5 days of Repronex. They have had very good success with this protocol & it is cheaper for us. Femara is covered by insurance & I would have to get fewer vials of Repronex out of pocket. Although I will be on 2 vials a day instead of 1 this time. I think that is what he was trying to do was save us some money as we have been at this for a long time. We joke that we could have bought a new Ford Focus at this point with the money we have spent. Rich & I were so excited and decided to wait for one normal AF (Aunt Flo) after the LEEP & then start in July. Two months earlier than we originally planned for. As I was going to work after this appointment the song "I’m so excited" by the pointer sisters came on. (Yes I am a big dork & still a huge fan of 80s music) I was jamming to it & was looking forward to going forward with treatments in a few weeks instead of months.

So fast forward to yesterday & my counselor appt. I realize that I am scared to do this again. I am afraid it will work & I will get pregnant again. I am afraid to be at the point of analyzing every thing & so scared all the time. I am afraid that pregnancy will consume me. I am afraid of another loss. I don’t know if I could survive that again. I am afraid I will never hold my own live baby. Ugh! I need to be positive, but it is so hard sometimes. I know we don’t have to start next month, but we aren’t getting any younger. Oh if only I could see into the future & know what to do.