Friday, July 13, 2007

Am I a Parent - Part 4 (Humor Break)

I'm sure that lawyers would have plenty of input regarding this matter.

From the script of Legally Blond:


"THE STATE V. LATIMER" is written on the board. A pony-tailed, less made-up Elle takes notes on her lap-top, as Warner makes an argument.

WARNER: According to Swinney v. Neubert, Swinney, who was also a private sperm donor, was allowed visitation rights as long as he came to terms with the hours set forth by the parents. So, if we're sticking to past precedent, Mr. Latimer wasn't stalking -- he was clearly within his rights to ask for visitation.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN: But Swinney was a one-time sperm donor, and in our case, the defendant was a habitual sperm donor, who also happens to be harassing the parents in his quest for visitation.

WARNER: But , without this man's sperm --the child in question would not exist.

He grins and looks around as the class murmurs their agreement.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN: Now you're thinking like a lawyer.

EMMETT enters from the back, holding a file. He stands there quietly, watching. Elle tentatively raises her hand.


Sarah looks at Claire.

SARAH: (sotto) The idiot speaks.

ELLE: Although Mr. Huntington makes an excellent point, I have to wonder if the defendant kept a thorough record of each sperm emission made throughout his life?

The class titters. Elle grows annoyed.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN: (bemused) Why do you ask?

Elle's hesitancy is replaced by conviction.

ELLE: Well, unless the defendant attempted to contact every single one-night-stand to determine if a child resulted in those unions -- then he has no parental claim whatsoever over this child. Why this sperm ? Why now?

Emmett's mouth twitches into a smile.

For that matter, all masturbatory emissions where his sperm was clearly not seeking an egg could be termed reckless abandonment.

Warner's mouth hangs open. As does Sarah's and the rest of he class. Donovan smiles.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN: I believe you've just won your case.

Elle grins.

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