Life on hold?

My truck, 1998 Ford Ranger 4x4 off-road package (I love my truck), is going on 9 years old. All in all for the most part it has been a good truck to me, much of my family, and many of my friends. Thanks to living less than 10 miles from work for several years, it has less than 90k miles on it. One summer the oil pump broke and the engine cased up requiring it to be replaced. Luckily my brother had a qualified friend willing to do the work in his garage at home. Other than that, I can’t complain. Lately though, all the end of model year sales have been calling to me. When I got this truck, I thought it was huge, my car before that was a Geo Metro, however it has been too small for the last couple of jobs I needed it for, well I made it work against sound judgment. There are plenty of things I can think of to do with a larger truck like get dirt for the garden, mulch for the beds, sod to repair some of the yard, and maybe even encourage people to actually go the speed limit when trying to merge onto the highway :-) ….. Right now I have the standard cab, in a new truck I would get the crew cab so we could share the burden of running chores more among our two vehicles. But, the main reason for needing a backseat is to make room for baby. Which finally leads me to my point, why get a new truck, when the old one runs fine? I feel guarded against committing to new debt when the end cost of the infertility path is unknown. I feel like there is no need to have a backseat until a baby is actually here. There is guilt associated with planning a vacation because you might not be pregnant and you might miss a cycle because you are out of town, especially if your cycles are irregular and missing one means waiting an additional 3 months. There are big projects at home like a bathroom makeover and landscaping that have been neglected as we focus attention and resources on getting pregnant. A job is just a job, not a career, because my vision has become so short sighted, nearly cycle to cycle most of the time. I don’t see the future anymore, any vision I had of the future has changed or been forgotten through this whole experience. Everything is secondary to getting pregnant and having a baby. Looking ahead into the future is hard, planning is hard, moving forward is hard, it’s as if nothing else matters and the future can’t be planned, until your baby is here or you have exhausted your means trying. Until then, time stands still.