This is one of my promised posts.
Since it isn’t like we advertise to strangers that we are trying to have a baby, we don’t get the stupid comments very often. When we do, they really are doozies. This one was probably the worst so far. I actually had to just leave & end the conversation since I don’t trust my mouth to listen to my head in this situation.
Rich & I went to have medical info & labs done for new life insurance. I was not looking forward to this because I knew what I would have to tell. I don’t really think it is any of the life insurance companies business about the IF stuff, but since it was surgery it was listed. I also had to list meds I am on. Since I am on meds that are usually used for one thing & I use them for a different purpose I always get more questions.
Anyway so since I do have small veins & they always have problems, I told our representative that I was not thrilled about this & why. Last time we did blood work for insurance, they came to our house & I still had to go to a lab because it is just too hard. I try to drink lots of water before hand, but it just doesn’t work. Anyway, so I decided to make the appt at their office. I am not comfortable doing this in our house anyway, besides the fact that I am not, nor never will be, a domestic goddess. So our rep promises me they will get someone skilled in taking blood for people who have a hard time.
We get to the office & meet the person. We go thru the whole medical questionnaire. It takes longer for me because of the history. I tell her that I am on Ac.tos & Met.formin for the PCOS. I tell her about the multiple miscarriages, the anti-phospholipid syndrome diagnosis, the IF treatments. We talk about my depre.ssive dis.order diagnosis, the therapist I am seeing for this. So this lady knows the history at this point. She also knows I am nervous about the blood draw because of all of the ones I have had the past 3.5 yrs. I have one really good vein that they can usually use with the butterfly needle. She tells me that she took us because she is good at it. Bullshit!!! She was bad! I am an expert on blood being taken from me so I know. I told Rich she was bad & he even had a problem with her.
So that is finally over & we are getting ready to leave. She wishes us luck on trying to have a baby. This is where she should have ended it. But she decides to keep on opening her mouth. She tells us that we need to stop trying so hard to have a baby & it will happen. She then tells us about her mother who tried for 7 yrs, adopted her brother. Unfortunately I see where this is going, but can’t stop the train wreck before it happens. She proceeds to let us know that her mother then ended up pregnant naturally with her other brother so they are less than a year apart. Then 7 yrs later she was born. This person then states that we should just adopt & then we will get pregnant. At that point I grab Rich & say Thanks & get out the door. If I would have stayed in there 1 minute longer she would have gotten a piece of my mind. Luckily I had a meeting to get too.
The 2 cardinal rules of things not to say to an infertile are:
1. Relax & it will happen or stop trying.
2. Just adopt & you’ll get pregnant.
WTF was she thinking saying these things to a stranger? Especially one who just poured out about the IF medical struggles & the miscarriages. I realize that she thought she was trying to help, but come on. What happened to don’t say anything if you don’t have anything nice to say? Maybe I am just more sensitive to this because we are not on that road yet. We are not ready for adoption because we haven’t exhausted all natural avenues. We are not ready to stop trying with assistance. I think people just don’t think about what they say before they say it. Maybe it is time for me to step up to the plate & hit one out of the park next time I get a stupid comment? I know I have lots of years of frustration & hurt pent up inside. I think it’s time to step-up for all of the IF girls & boys who are still getting hurt from all of the comments, while may be well intentioned, just aren’t the best thing to say to us.