Fe.mara and I are not friends

Last night was a rough night for me. I was shivering non-stop and couldn’t get warm. I am also having a lot of muscle & joint weakness. I certainly feel for women who have to take Fe.mara for breast cancer. It is a chemotherapy agent, but it seems to have success with women who have PCOS in helping them ovulate. I have been exhausted non-stop the past couple days. I don’t want to do this again. Hopefully I won’t have to worry about that choice, but in case I do, I don’t want Fe.mara anymore.

I got my box of meds today. Shots start tomorrow. I am doing 2 HC.G shots this time. 2nd will be 5 days after IUI. The nurse said it was due to my levels last time being low & wanting to boost my hormones to try & help with miscarriage. Have any of you heard of this or had this done? Nurse said Dr. B wrote that on my last Clomid cycle, but didn’t tell me about it for the injectable cycle that worked. Kind of made me mad that they didn’t tell me. I don’t think it would have helped due to the blood clotting stuff, but still makes me wonder. I guess they have had good success with this as well.

Yesterday I was talking to my therapist about how I am so calm & cautious this cycle. I am not getting my hopes up & I am not even anxious or excited. She said I am just protecting myself. I think I am protecting myself for either scenario to play out; a failed cycle or a pregnancy. I told her it was crazy that I just ingested chemo drugs like it was no big deal. She said I am just following the plan, protecting myself. I certainly hope that is it & not that I have become numb to the whole ordeal. It is scary that I have become all logically about this cycle. This is just not me. I don’t feel like me at all right now. Maybe I made the wrong decision.

Rich, you need to post the last part of the am I a parent series & then you will get some comment love :-) I have already read it & it ripped my heart out. I am so proud of you for posting on the blog!!! There, that is my comment to you.